*dingalingaling* come and get it!

there is more to family mealtimes at the dinner table than what is on the menu. although i know this to be true, there is great satisfaction in creating a beautiful and delicious meal for my family. now that i am a "single" mom, practically working 24-7, going back to college and caring for additional children for additional income, the days of creating those colorful and delectable meals have long since past. these days, i am barely able to scramble some eggs for dinner, or open up a can of stew and heat it up on the stove - with some canned peaches on the side. i am grateful for these quick and easy meals. yes, they are also delicious...but they tend to be rather boring - especially when i keep repeating them. there is something to be said about a colorful meal presented in a beautiful manner.

looking back, i think i took advantage of the fact that i could more leisurely prepare a lovely meal for my family. i used to delve into different, fancy recipes. i would prepare delicious meats, pastas, salads and side dishes. i loved when the table was beautifully spread with food that i made. i took great satisfaction in not only feeding my family, but feeding them a wonderful homemade meal of my own efforts. i also used to make cookies, cakes and breads more often. i miss that so much. my feelings about offering up these amazing dinners have not changed, however, my circumstances have. i long for the day when i can bring the beautifully rich and satisfying mealtime experience back to my family dinner table.

i am the youngest of six children. we would eat dinner at the dinner table, as a family, every single night. as evening approached, my mother could be found busy in the kitchen, preparing dinner. my mother would make delicious meals and my father would come home and unwind. all he had to do was sit down at the head of the table and eat. this is what i experienced, as a child, and so it was what i always envisioned for my own life. a traditional family with traditional mealtimes. how nice...

i have dinner baking in the oven right now. it's one of my simpler recipes - but hey, it's a recipe! it didn't come wholly from a can and i had to do some chopping and stirring. it may sound silly, but i was in HEAVEN!! my children colored at the table while i prepared dinner. somehow, I was able to find the time to do this tonight. it certainly helps when everyone is well behaved and entertaining themselves. i have set a goal for myself, to make at least one "fancier" meal each week. my daughter lit up when she saw me making dinner as I used to. i want to give my children the same kind of memories i am blessed to possess. to have a good, healthy, happy, fun, wonderful childhood...rich and abundant with culture, family outings, silly moments, lessons learned....how priceless! i want that for them - they deserve it.

i believe the man i love and intend to one day marry has the same goals, ideals, values and desires. that means everything to me. there is nothing I want more than a joyful life with the ones I hold most dear - my family. having mealtimes together, i believe, is part of the glue that keeps families together. it is during those mealtimes that we can pause from our hectic schedules, listen to one another, laugh with one another, share our days, ask questions, look one another in the eyes, share priceless memories, even learn some manners!

dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes. my home is filled with delicious aromas and my children are now happily playing in their bedroom. in this moment, life is incredibly sweet. i am so happy.

gotta get my groove on...

writing assignment

this is my first assignment for my college writing class. we were asked to write a little bio, no more than 300 words (mine is exactly 300 - go ME!). we were asked to tell the rest of the class (this is posted to a forum) about our past, present & future, what writing means to us and our careers and why we are taking an on-line class. that's a lot to cram into a dinky 300 words or less (which is why i used every word i possibly could)! so far, everyone has submitted a rather dry response. i am bored out of my mind, reading a bunch of stats. me, I wanted to write something more creative, rather than some dull piece about myself. here is what I wrote:

I am fair-skinned Swede who grew up near the sunny beaches of Southern California. Yes, I admit it – I am a Valley girl. I never managed to get that perfect tan, though. I was always getting sunburns, as a result of my friends teasing me about my “neon skin.” I quickly learned that I preferred to be indoors or under the shade of my family’s orange tree, writing stories and poetry, rather than sun-bathing with the rest of my cheerleading friends.

In the shade of that orange tree, I was invincible. Writing was my escape from so many things. The words that flowed from pen to paper made me feel strong. Writing was what I turned to, when life became difficult. After high school, I faced great adversity. Somehow, I persevered. Much of my ability to endure, I owe to writing.

I now face one of my greatest challenges. After nine years of marriage and three beautiful children, my husband decided to leave us. You can imagine the amount of writing that ensued! From this devastating, life-altering experience, I’ve learned a great deal about life, and about myself. I am stronger and more capable than I ever imagined.

I returned to school, taking on-line classes, and began watching other children for additional income. These two opportunities enable me to remain home with my children, which is my greatest goal and desire.

For me, writing will always be important. It holds significance as I teach my children and as I pursue a degree in Early Childhood Education. As the character in Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” believed the Balm of Gilead would mend his broken heart for the lost Lenore, I believe writing has played a great role in the healing of my own heart. Writing is my Balm of Gilead.

be a pickle!

at church today, the lesson in relief society came from the may 2007 ensign. in it, there is a talk by elder david bednar, entitled, "ye must be born again." now, i wasn't able to fully concentrate on the lesson for a variety of reasons, but the things i did catch, were excellent. it was a great lesson! because i missed some of it, i went home and read the article in it's entirety. a huge thanks, to my best friend, who gave me the gift of an ensign subscription (lol...i almost said "prescription" - but that wouldn't be too inaccurate, would it? it's been like medicine for the soul!). anyone who wants to read this article can simply go to the Church website and read it there. i really appreciate being able to lay on my couch and read from the magazine, rather than sit at my computer. it's nice. anyway, here's my own little summary....

cucumbers can be changed into pickles through a particular process, which includes: preparing and cleaning, immersing and saturating, and finally...sealing. this process of turning cucumbers into pickles can be likened to our being born again. i absolutely LOVE analogies...so i ate this right up (okay, that was cheesey - i know).

as sons and daughters of God, we must be born again if we are to enter into His presence again. we must deny ungodliness, come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. in doing this, we shed ourselves of the natural man and our hearts are changed. "we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually (mosiah 5:2)." how cool is that?! how incredible to naturally think and do only that which is good and true! no more grumbling at the guy that cut us off in traffic, no more murmuring at enduring life's trials, no more judging of others harshly... this is why we are here! this is our big test! are we passing or failing? if we are to become "new creatures" in Christ (2 corinthians 5:17), what are we doing about it?

we need to be immersed in the process of pickling ourselves. haha! that sounds really funny. just as with pickles, if you don't follow the process with precision, you will not achieve the end result! we want to change from cucumbers to pickles - we want to shed ourselves of this natural man and have a mighty change in heart. we must be born again!

the first step in the pickling process is preparing and cleaning. one cannot proceed until all the filth and grime are removed. the Lord has a high standard of cleanliness. we must repent daily if we are to move forward.

next, comes immersing and saturating. cucumbers have to sit in salt brine for a length of time, in order to change their composition and taste. merely dipping or sprinkling the cucumbers will not bring about the change. in fact, the entire cucumber must be fully immersed if the process is to work. likewise, we must be fully immersed in the gospel if we are to change our natures. sporadic adherance to gospel principles will not bring about the mighty change that is required. our complete immersion in living a Christ-centered life will allow us to be born again.

finally, the cured cucumbers must be purified and sealed. the jars they are placed in must be completely sterilized and they must be heat processed to remove all impurities. a boiling water bath enables the pickles to be preserved and protected for a long period of time. as we receive ordinances and honor sacred covenants, we, too, become purified. we are protected and preserved by the Atonement of Christ, as we follow Him and repent.

at the end of the process, a delicious pickle emerges! crunchy and sweet to the taste, is this green treat that experienced the entire process to perfection! there will be a sweetness for us as well, when we emerge as new creatures in Christ. so....be a pickle, my friends! be a pickle!

on the way home from Church, i drove behind a van with a sticker on the back which read, "if you are living like there is no God, then you'd better be right!" funny, but true, eh? i am certainly far from perfect, but i always want to live in a way that pleases my Father in Heaven. looking back on my life, i have always been happiest, following the gospel plan. that is where i want to stay.

"me" time

today was pretty wonderful. i slept in 'til 10am (normally i wake to my 6:50am alarm). i can't tell you how yummy it was, waking up naturally like that. it's a good thing, too - because i think i got home around 2am. let's just say i had a late night craving...

friday night was my final counseling session. i was super early, so i went across the street to fred meyer and wandered around. they had lots of sales going on. i ended up in the jewelry store, though. i tried some rings on, just for fun. mmm, sparkly! *teehee* i hadn't eaten anything, so i bought a strawberry yogurt smoothie and headed to my appointment. it was a great "wrap-up" session. we just reviewed the past year and she asked me lots of questions. kinda felt like i was back in school, taking an oral exam. the end of the session arrived and we parted ways. that was hard. she's seen me through a really devastating year. i will miss talking to her.

the night was still young! i returned to fred meyer. yeah, i guess i am a dork. it was fun though! i purchased some things i needed. i also purchased some really huge sunglasses. yep, that's right folks...i have joined the big sunglasses masses. it's a sad statement to make, but it's true. frankly (i am going to get that officially changed to "jimly" - that's sounds much better, IMO), i think the massive sunglasses epidemic is ridiculous. they have become one big eye-roll for me. buuuut, i have to say....for someone as sensitive to light as i am - they are FABulous! so, yeah. i bought them. they were on sale.

so back to my story... last night, i was up pretty late. it was sooo fun to stay up late, knowing i could sleep in the next day. i ended up doing something spontaneous. that was really fun. i think i left my place sometime around 12:30am. i was totally giddy! anyway, i ran a little "errand" and succumbed to a late-night (early morning?) craving. okay, it was denny's. there was a location right next to the freeway on-ramp, so i stopped for a super bird. mmmm... i gobbled it on the way home. man, i was TIRED...

i got up around 10am, got ready and left for bellevue. here i am, in my new HUGE sunglasses, yapping on the phone with my best gal pal, shallyn...


once in bellevue, i stopped at the deseret bookstore and purchased a beautiful journal. then i went around the corner and ate at my favorite little indian restuarant. they have a rockin' lunch buffet for only $9. YUUMMM! it was so pleasant, sitting there, writing in my new journal and eating my food. i was actually doing more writing than eating. next thing i knew, i had written five pages and my food was cold. oops! that's the great thing about buffets, though - i could just get more warm food! here's a pic of my delectable indian food and that beautiful new journal...



i didn't finish my cold food...but i did finish a third bowl of rice pudding (that stuff is supposed to be cold)! as i paid my bill, i talked to the waiter about the music they were playing. there was this one song that i fell in love with! it's called "deewana" by sonu nigam. what a beautiful song. i asked him what it was about - it's a love song. i kinda already knew that, though...it sounds like one.

i left the restaurant and went to the 3pm session at the temple. i lingered for as long as i possibly could, before returning home. it was so beautiful outside, when i walked out of the temple. of course, i took some pictures...





i got home just in time to change my clothes, "prep" the house for the children's return, then head to seattle to pick them up. it is so nice to have them back with me. i missed them. i always miss them when they go. buuuuut, i LOVE my "me" time! no doubt!!

perfect fit

you know those jeans that look great on the rack, but then you try them on, and they are nothing like you hoped they'd be? yeah. i've had those jeans before. i picked a tall pair of jeans that seemed to scream, "wear me! i will look FABulous on you!" i showed the jeans to my friends and they agreed it looked like a really nice pair. some of my friends were skeptical about these jeans and thought they might not fit me, but i didn't care! my mind was made up - i was going to buy them!! wait a sec....just BUY them? wasn't i going to try them on first?? nope! i was sooooo smart. i felt like i had some experience in this area and knew they'd fit, just by looking at them. i was convinced they'd "make me happy."

so i brought the jeans home. turns out, they didn't compliment my figure at all. some people thought the jeans looked great on me, some didn't. since i already bought them, i decided to make the most of it. i looked for the good in them and ignored the bad stuff. sure, they were uncomfortable...but the color was nice. sure, i had to keep adjusting myself when i wore them...but the style was "in."

i owned these jeans for many years. i continued to wear them through weight gain and weight loss. i wore them through pregnancies. i continued to wear them, even when they became stained and torn. i held onto this pair of jeans and convinced myself that these painful jeans were, indeed, what i wanted. i told myself that i would never find any better pair - and besides, i made the choice to purchase them...and i stick to my committments.

well, the jeans continued to tear and more stains appeared. i tried to mend them and tried to get the stains out, but it just wasn't working. i was so frustrated. i even tried to lose weight, hoping that would make things more comfortable. finally, it got to the point where i realized it just wasn't working anymore. the jeans had run their course. every time i put them on, they seemed to reject me. and so, i released my jeans back into the world. perhaps someone else would find these jeans and they'd fit. they certainly did not fit me.

at first, it was really difficult without my jeans. they were so old and familiar to me. i sincerely believed there'd never be another pair for me. i couldn't imagine finding anything better than what i had had. after all i had spent on mending and cleaning those jeans, i was broke. i had nothing left to give. i was in no position to look for new jeans...and even if i was, i was too exhausted.

some time passed, and i was surprised to find that life was better without my old jeans! during that time, i was able to reflect on why those old jeans did not work out. i also thought a lot about the kind of jeans i would like to have one day....the kind that would last a very, very long time.

in the meantime, i wore shorts and skirts because they were comforting during this difficult, uncomfortable season. well, one day a pair of jeans caught my eye. i wasn't even looking for jeans...but there was something about this particular pair. i wasn't ready to commit to a new pair of jeans, and to be honest, did not have the money. they weren't the flashy style i was accustomed to, but something about them drew me right in. i ran my fingers against the fabric. they felt really nice. i walked around the rack a couple times and returned to the jeans and checked the price tag. hmm...it was reasonably priced! best of all, was the brand name. i knew that these jeans would last a very, very long time. unlike my old jeans, i knew i could count on this new pair. it would resist stains and would not tear easily, like my old pair.

i left the clothing section and walked around, pondering these new jeans. as i walked, thoughts of my old jeans kept popping up. no...i wasn't ready to buy new jeans yet. i was still holding on to the memories of my old pair, even though they had done me wrong. i knew my old jeans had been a nuisance...so why did i care so much?! i think they had just grown so familiar that i looked past the fact that they hurt me, were worldly and just...didn't fit me as well as i'd hoped.

i didn't buy the jeans that day, but i would visit them every now and then. they started to become familiar to me. they were not my usual style, but that began to appeal to me as well. still, they didn't look like they'd fit me. but i couldn't shake the fact that there was something about them...

the day finally came when i went to the store and tried them on. i was pleasantly surprised to discover - they fit perfectly. it was as if they had been made just for me. i no longer questioned the different style...i loved them just as they were. these new jeans were so incredibly comfortable, highly unique and of great quality. it made sense to have them, but aside from it being a smart choice, it was also what my heart wanted.

i had forgotten my purse, so i rushed home to get money. unfortunately, i became distracted. when i finally got back on track, the store was closed. first thing the next morning, i got up early and drove to the store. i was eager, excited, thrilled beyond words! i was the very first customer there, when the store finally opened. but...my heart sank, when i approached the rack and saw the jeans were not there anymore. i panicked! i looked everywhere and even had the store workers help. turned out i was too late...someone had purchased them the night before. ohhh, WHY did i wait so long?!? the problem was, i had needed all that time. i needed the time to familiarize myself with the jeans and figure out what i really wanted. i wanted them - but now they were gone forever. or, so i thought...

now, you'd think i'd never see those jeans ever again, right? well, amazingly, i found them! they were being resold, now at a much greater price. i was more than willing to pay it! unfortunately, someone else wanted the jeans, too. there was a bidding war...and i won. i won!!

these wonderful jeans are now mine. i am so proud of them. i never, in a million years, thought it would be possible to find jeans such as these....that don't just have some or most of the qualities i desire...but ALL of them. they are nothing like the jeans i used to wear. they are modest in style and cut. they are not cheaply made...but are made out of the finest material. there is a great attention to detail that you just don't find in most jeans these days. they are strong and sturdy and i know they will last forever. when i first tried them on, i really didn't think they were going to fit me, but they do. oh, how they do...

they are the perfect fit.

today!

my oldest graduated from kindergarten today!! *sigh* i can't believe she'll be in first grade, this fall. wow. where do the years go? a good friend watched the kids for me so i could attend the party/ceremony in her classroom. the kids sang some songs, her teacher talked about the past year and even showed a beautiful slide show, set to the song: "i hope you dance." i said loudly, "are you TRYING to make us cry?!" haha..

it's hard to believe her kindergarten year is already over. i have many more first and last days of school ahead of me. james and jenna haven't even hit preschool age yet. and i am sure i will have more children...at least one more! i've been baby hungry lately...but that's another blog...

my sweet downstairs neighbor took some pictures for us, and then we changed clothes and went to the park. there were lots of people there, today! it was soooo warm - jessica was complaining about the heat just minutes after we arrived. i tried to get her to keep drinking water. after some fun play time, we took a long stroll, back to the vehicle (which i had parked along the road because the parking lot was FULL).

there were some upsetting moments today, due to "alien" (that's what i call my soon-to-be-ex)...but other than those times, it was a good day. we returned home from the park and hung out for a while, then i changed back into my other clothes and we went to costco. why, you ask?? to pick up our pizza and berry sundaes, of course!! friday nights are pizza/movie night at our place...but when the kids are with their dad, we move it to thursday. so, we brought the food home and watched "watcher in the woods." it's a freaky disney movie from back in the day. jessica insisted, and didn't think it was too scary. well, we'll see if she wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to my door...