reflection

i've just spent some time reading some of my old blogs. i've been struggling lately with all that is on my plate, and reading my own words has been...well, like therapy! i am amazed at myself. yep, myself. as i read, i traveled back in time to a much more difficult world. my words reminded me of all that i went through last year. i am astounded that i survived all that, and that i survived it well. somehow, with my world crashing down around me, i was doing so well.

odd. or, is it?

i call it odd because you'd think i was doing much better these days. i am living in a house, newly married to an amazing guy, and we are all healthy. it's as if i have forgotten all that i went through, and all that i learned. it's as if the strength i acquired in the fire has somehow been lost. i'm feeling weak...oh, so mortal.

then i realized...it's not that things are more difficult right now. if i look at things logically, they ought to be much better. the thing is, i was getting so much strength before, to carry me through those adverse times, because i was doing my part. i used to spend a lot more time on my knees, in prayer. i used to attend the temple at least once a month. sundays used to be my favorite day of the week and now i dread it!

last year, i walked with so much strength, amidst the pain. last year, i was a different person - a better person, even. i'm grateful i wrote so much last year, because it has helped me today. funny, how our own words can help heal us and get us back on track...