forgot to post this earlier. this comes from an article i came across on-line called "the blended family: dealing with stepmother negativity." hard not to notice that my children's stepmom has broken most of these basic rules...
Laura Petherbridge in her book ‘The Smart Step Mom’ gives some basic rules that stepmothers need to adhere to, to help bring peace and harmony into the home rather than alienation. A Stepmother:
- Acknowledges that it’s normal to love stepchildren differently than biological kids
- Takes time to understand children who are coping with loss and loyalty conflicts. Her goal is to ease grief whenever possible rather than create more chaos
- Doesn’t step hastily into her husband’s parenting role, even when he refuses to
- Respectfully discusses issues about the children privately with her husband
- Is prepared. She isn’t naïve or ambushed by complex stepfamily issues and is flexible to cope with matters that she didn’t see coming
- Tries to be at peace with the biological mom and asks God to help her see things from the biological mom’s viewpoint
- Does not try to become a replacement mother to children who already have one, nor does she insist that the children call her mom
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