service

i wrote this days ago and forgot to post it!

The scriptures read, “Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day (D & C 4:2).” To what extent do we serve – or not serve? All morning long, my mind has been swimming with thoughts about what service really means. As a divorcing mother of three who is going back to school and watching others’ children for additional income, I have struggled for quite some time in finding childcare when I have a medical or dental appointment, an appointment related to my divorce, or a scheduled trip for school. It is difficult enough finding care for my own three, but when you add one or two extra children that are not mine, it’s near impossible sometimes. Because of my overwhelming situation and struggles to find help, I turned to the Church’s compassionate service. When someone is in need, compassionate service steps in to lovingly assist.

I have been the beneficiary of much compassionate service over the past 18 months – ever since my third child was born, and the same time my husband announced he didn’t feel like being married anymore. Although it has been a lengthy amount of time, I still find myself in dire straights at times. Whenever possible, I have paid for babysitters. I have to admit, that although it can be difficult to pay for a sitter, it greatly eases my burden of guilt and stress. I have a difficult time seeking help, especially after all this time. It’s hard to ask for help when feeling as though everyone is sick and tired of my constant need.

Last year, when my situation was at its peak of raw pain and devastation, I leaned most heavily on my family. It was extremely draining on them, but as I gained more friends in the new area, I relied less and less on them. Still, I think that they had been so heavily burdened by me and my situation that any future plea for help – even when few and far between – was viewed as greatly burdensome, even annoying. They had maxed out, and I understood. It was difficult for me, because I am constantly told to turn to family first. These days, asking family is my last resort. I want to repair those maxed out relationships by leaving them alone!

Recently, things have been especially stressful. There were mediations for my divorce and several last-minute school trips scheduled that I had no control over. I began to crack under the pressure of it all, and so I turned to compassionate service when I was unable to find help on my own. With just a few phone calls, help was on the way, and I was able to make it to my crucial appointments. However, last week I was informed that I could no longer turn to compassionate service. When I learned this, I was humbled – and yet, I broke down sobbing. I felt I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, no one to turn to, and now – abandoned. It was a very lonely time for me.

My heart and mind are full this morning as I ponder the meaning of service. I have a school appointment scheduled today, and still have no one to help me. I tried everyone I could think of, and even turned to my last resort. My last resort was available, but turned me down because they were not comfortable watching other people’s children. Although I scheduled the appointment during naptime to make it easy, and although the child’s mother doesn’t mind if someone else steps in for me, it just wasn't going to happen. I was heart-broken by the news, and felt quite devastated. I quickly hung up, and broke into heaving sobs. If I can’t turn to my last resort, and no one else is available, where do I turn?

There is only one person who is physically able to help me today, and ironically, is the one person I am not supposed to be communicating with right now. He is my best friend, and through my mother, I learn of his desire to serve me and ease my burdens. He and my mother communicate, as my bishop requests. He is my landlord, and so there must be some communications in regards to his mail or house issues. My mother mediates our communications to keep things appropriate, as my divorce continues to drag on and on.

Last night, I learned of his desire and willingness to help me today. I want so much to follow counsel to perfection, but what am I to do when he is truly my only hope?? My last resort was unavailable, and I have that appointment in a few hours. What should I do?

I want to examine the question I posed earlier: “To what extent do we serve – or not serve?” We have been asked to “devote all [our] service in Zion; and in this [we shall] have strength (D&C 24:7).” The Lord gave and he gave when, to others, it might have seemed undesirable and inconvenient. This tells me that service is not about doing only that which we feel like doing at the time. Service is giving our time, efforts and talents when we are needed. Service is about letting go of our own agendas and desires, and being there for others. When we are needed, are we willing to drop what we are doing and come to another’s aid? If we are heading to the movies with our family, and receive a call that someone needs last-minute childcare due to something urgent, are we willing to put off that worldly pleasure for a service that will greatly ease another’s burden?

Over the past 18 months, I have experienced the service of so many wonderful, willing servants of our Father in Heaven. These individuals have come to my aid at times that were inconvenient, last-minute, and perhaps even uncomfortable for them. With their selfless willingness to step in when I have been so broken down with nowhere else to turn, my burdens have been lifted, peace has been restored to my soul, my mind has been calmly reassured, and I have felt immense love from them – and for them.

I believe my circumstances have caused me to have a greater understanding and compassion for other’s needs. I hope that my own experience will enable me to better acknowledge the needs of others, and I pray that opportunities will shower down upon my life. I desire to have an eye for service, single to God’s glory. Service is to be done quietly without the need for praise or recognition. Our purpose in serving should not be for our own glory, but for our Heavenly Father’s. When we point out to another all that we have done for them, have we truly given God all the glory – or do we want some of it for ourselves?

Thomas S. Monson once wrote, “Frequently we are too quick to criticize, too prone to judge, and too ready to abandon an opportunity to help, to lift, and, yes, even to save.” So, to what extent do we serve – or not serve? Are we ready to serve at a moment’s notice, or do we require plenty of notice? How willing are we to put aside whatever leisurely activity or indulgence we are enjoying, to help someone in need? Do we keep a tally of our service to another, or do we serve gladly, without keeping “score?” Who are we to serve? Are we only willing to help those we are comfortable with? Do we assist only the friends, family and neighbors we know? If a person is uncomfortable being around the elderly, does that mean they should not serve them? If we are not comfortable with clutter, will we not step into the home of a pack rat? Do we only serve the people we like and have things in common with?

When I answer these kinds of questions for myself, it always boils down to just one final question: “What would the Savior do?” If the Savior would serve anyone, at anytime, and do it gladly, lovingly, selflessly, compassionately – then I am to do likewise.

Jesus Christ is our ultimate example. How often do we talk about “being Christlike?” We may speak of it often, but are we actually doing it? Are we truly acting like the Savior and doing what He would do? I think it is the perfect litmus test, to consider what our Savior might do.

The world would have us think first of ourselves – what is most convenient for us, what we would rather be doing, and what is most comfortable. As Sheri Dew so beautifully put it, “Coming unto Christ means walking away from the world.” Walking away from the world means stepping outside our comfort zones, leaving personal agendas and desires behind – and cleaving to those sacred covenants we have made, and those commandments we gave been given to follow.

“Choose you this day whom ye will serve: … but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Josh. 24:15.)

Oh, and one more thing...fifteen minutes ago, I received a phone call – help is on the way! I am so very grateful.