backstory: the other woman

so my ex has been married for nine months now. i was thrilled, when they married, because it meant my children would no longer be exposed to their father inappropriately living with a strange, new woman. i was also hoping this would mean he'd step it up as a parent. whenever he had a new woman in his life, he seemed happier and was easier to deal with. he'd also spend more quality time with our children, in an effort to appear as "Super Dad" to whoever his current flame was. i also hoped the canceled weekends might lessen, if he settled down again and went back into some form of family mode.

she seemed nice at first, this new girlfriend. i was (and still am) grateful that she was nice to my children. however, things began to change quickly. the occasionally cordial and cooperative ex husband who once came to the door when dropping the children off began to completely ignore me. the new woman seemed to take over all communications, overnight. it was as if he'd found the perfect secretary/sitter to take care of his duties. i couldn't tell if these were his wishes or hers. in fact, i never knew of her existence until one rainy night when she showed up at my house to deliver a payment to me. i felt sorry for her. i genuinely hoped she'd be okay with him, and not endure what i had.

not long after that, he was living with her. it seemed so sudden, and i worried greatly about how this would affect my children. i was disappointed in him. as for the new woman in his life, she seemed nice enough. i was happy for him, and hoped this relationship might stick where the others had been temporary flavors of the month. in time, they moved into their own apartment. it appeared he might remain in this relationship, and i was glad....hopeful, even, that it would result in marriage and *fingers crossed* not end in a third divorce for him.

one day he informed me that he had a "business trip to california" - which happened to fall on his scheduled weekend. i thought it was odd that he'd 1) have a business trip on the weekend like that and 2) have a business trip to california which had never happened before. other things seemed "off" but, no matter. i was very used to him canceling on me, leaving me to figure out what to do and/or cancel my own plans. later, i discovered his supposed "business trip to california" was actually a trip with his girlfriend to hawaii. hmm...and after all that complaining about how he was so poor and his inability to help me buy school supplies for our children.

it time, they were engaged. and last year, married. since then, she has become extremely pushy. her "in-your-face" manipulative demeanor and sense of entitlement has become horribly aggravating to deal with. she attempted to friend me on facebook, which i thought was nice at the time, but i declined. i explained if she wasn't married to my ex, we might be friends, but i needed some semblance of privacy and didn't feel i'd have that if my world was that exposed to them. she seemed to respect that. but then i began getting a barrage of messages from her. emails, texts, facebook messages... and they weren't very nice. they were nice on the surface, yet filled with sarcasm and nasty jabs. it got to the point where i had to shield myself from it by blocking her on facebook as well as text messaging. i informed my ex (who had totally faded to the background at this point) that i had these children with him - not her - and if there were any issues regarding our children, he needed to communicate directly to me, not through her. there was no reason i should be dealing with his new wife....especially when she was filled with so much unwarranted animosity. i sought advice from good friends who are stepmoms and really tried to see things from her point of view, understanding what it must be like to be her. but i couldn't get past her totally unnecessary, mean undercuts. i am sure my ex has filled her head with all sorts of crazy ideas about me, and so i take much of it with a grain of salt. a lot of it isn't her fault, i am sure. she's just a girl who fell in love with a charming guy and is now trying to find her place in this family. i get that. and strangely enough, i still feel bad for her, even after all the nasty remarks she's made towards me. i've known my ex way longer than she has. there is a history there that she knows nothing about (well, only whatever he's chosen to reveal).

today i went to the temple with my sisters. i put several names on the prayer roll....including hers. it felt so good to be in that spiritual place. i was able to focus completely on the immense joy and peace that abides there in such great abundance. you see, i'd received yet another e-mail from my ex's wife, which was especially "below the belt." i will delve into that later. for now, let's just say....i was shocked. i couldn't get over the audacity of this woman, whose seemingly sweet words were filled with venomous intent. so....to attend the temple on the same day i'd received such a thing....was beautiful.

i am continually grateful for this beautiful, blessed life i lead. my children are healthy, safe and happy. my husband is a good man, cherishes me, respects me....and in return has all my love, admiration, respect, adoration and support. there is a beautiful peace which resides inside my soul because i have a husband i can trust, whether he is in the next room or on the other side of the world. what a blessing that is! i never knew what that was like, until jim came into my life. heavenly father raised the bar exceedingly high, for the next man i would marry. jim has surpassed that....and then some.