midnight

as usual...up way too late. i am such a night person!! i thrive on the night life, baby!!

i just got off the phone with my bro. he is a super-cool designer from san fran who is sweet on the turn tables. i have always looked up to him and thought he was just awesome. i am really sensitive when it comes to him. we don't keep in touch very often. honestly, it seems like we talk maybe once or twice a year! that is sad. i think we are both beginning to make more of an effort now, though. he called a while back and left me a message. i called him today but it just rang and rang. he called me back and we ended up talking for over an hour! in the past, i have felt uncomfortable talking to him. i guess i have always felt like he was soooo cool, that i was beneath him in the coolness department. LOL i was always afraid of saying or doing something lame, so i'd clam up or just not act like myself. that always annoyed me. anyway, tonight we just talked and talked about all kinds of things....his business (he's creative director of his own design company), having and raising children, books, sci fi stuff....he even asked about my friend. he said something like, "word on the street is you have a love interest." hehehe...not sure where he heard it, but that's fine by me. it was nice to tell him a little bit. i love talking about my friend whenever i get an opportunity.

speaking of my friend, i miss him terribly. it's incredibly difficult, not being able to communicate right now. still, i know it's the best thing we can do for "us" right now. and i get by just fine, knowing what is coming up (hopefully soon). thinking about the future gets me really fired up. i am soooo looking forward to so many things. and it's nice to feel good about those things because we are doing this the right way. i'm so happy. a bit lonely from missing him, sure. but i am happy.

anyway, it was so nice to have such a long talk with my brother. i still think he's super cool. i hope we continue to keep in touch. we are both adults now and i think we have more to talk about than we used to. even better, i don't feel as awkward and intimidated as i used to. sheesh, who wants to feel that way, with a family member?! i sure don't.

today has made me realize how much i have grown. it is so nice to change for the better, improve, learn, get outside my comfort zone. when i was on the phone with my brother, having this great conversation, i was so excited to realize i was comfortable and had some interesting things to say. how nice. that is just as it should be!

speaking of "shoulds" - i should be in bed!!!! it's LATE. i have one more long week ahead of me. it's the final week of kindergarten. after that, one of the little girls i watch will no longer be with us (because her mom is a teacher) and jessica will be home with us! yay, no more driving her to and from school. it's going to be interesting, having her back with us all day long. i am hopeful for a lot of wonderful things to happen this summer. *wink, wink*