there are some things my youngest children will never have to experience, and i am elated for them. but my heart aches for my oldest three, as they endure the back-and-forth of visitation and the drama associated with life after divorce. gratefully, my youngest children will never know what it's like to have a father that bails. they will never know anything but a mom and dad that stay together in love. i am happy for me, to have such an incredible husband...and i am happy for them, to have the best dad imaginable. my joy extends to my oldest three...that, although they must deal with the ripple effect of their biological father's choices, they will always have us. together, we are a complete and eternal family...and even though my oldest three have a different father than their younger siblings, they all most certainly have the same DAD.
my husband. he is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. not a day goes by that he doesn't gush over his love for me. not a day goes by that i don't love and appreciate him for the man he is. and our children, all of them, see this love daily. our preteen may turn red and roll her eyes when we kiss in the kitchen, but i know she is glad to have two parents that are crazy about each other. the younger ones squeal and giggle when they see us snuggle and express our mushy love for one another. they are growing up with what they all deserve: two parents that are in love, in like, are completely devoted and committed to one another, and to the Lord.
recent events with my ex further solidify the reasons why God allowed this trial into my life, and later provided me with a good man and reliable father for my children. i've been saddened and deeply disappointed by my ex, time and time again, but like so many have pointed out to me, it shouldn't surprise me anymore. i suppose i am hopelessly optimistic when it comes to that man i used to be "mrs." with. he is the father of my children, and still has many of the same good qualities i used to adore. but he has allowed the world to consume him, and that is so tragic to me. money, status, things....they come first. my children ride in the metaphorical backseat of his world, and more often than not, he's not even in the driver's seat.
my children are wise, however. they know what "real" is. and what they don't realize now, they will realize when they are older. expensive gifts are not love. quality time, teaching gospel principles...that IS love. they know the difference between our two homes - they can feel it every time. holidays are never the same for them, when they are forced to go elsewhere. while i feel badly for them, i pray it only makes them stronger. and i pray they will take this knowledge and experience with them as they grow and eventually when they choose who they marry. my own poor choices led me to make a very poor choice in my first husband...but how can i ever regret those three beautiful children that came from that union? i don't even want to call it a marriage, because now i know what a real marriage is.
when i watch our youngest son play, when i read books to him, when he snuggles up between my husband and i....i feel an overwhelming feeling of peace. he is SO blessed, and he doesn't even know it yet. my husband and i often speak of how lucky he is to have us, because we love each other...and no matter what life throws at us, we aren't going anywhere. and now, we have another baby on the way....another child that will experience that gift that seems so rare these days. the gift i was given as a child and still enjoy today: parents that stay happily married.
