can't sleep

1) i have insomnia. i'm WIDE awake and it totally bites.

2) i am still a newlywed, getting used to sleeping next to a new person.

3) jackson is moving around quite a bit

4) i'm hungry

5) i have a lot on my mind, mostly having to do with friendship. i wrote a blog about this but decided not to post it. just wishing i had a best friend nearby...

6) i'm nauseous

7) i'm catching up on people's blogs and realizing i haven't visited these blogs in quite a while. oopsie!

8) i know if i return to bed, i'm just going to lay there - wide awake. but now i am feeling too icky to sit here any longer....so i guess that's exactly what i'm gonna do.

My Jimmy...

stacy tagged me....so here we go!

Where we met: MySpace...kinda (it's complicated)
How long we dated before we got hitched: about 5 months
How long have we been married: 8 months....wow!
What's my fav feature about him: his eyes...especially when they are smoldering in my direction
What's my fav quality about him: his dedication....to me, to my children, to the Church, to his career, to his country. he's incredible.
What's his nickname for me: sweetheart or honey....or baby, or shmoopsie-poo or sweet cheeks... j/k
His fav color: cobalt blue
His fav food: pigs in a blanket (hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls)
His fav sport: well, unless you call intricate computer code a sport...hehe. he isn't into sports (thank goodness), but i'll say paintball. is that considered a sport??
Who said the L word first: hard to recall. it's all a blur. i think it was him.
First kiss, when and where: also a blur. i should probably go over this important info with him to make sure we have our story straight. haha!
Fav couple thing to do: eat at qdoba, watch movies, play othello...
How many kids: 3 from my previous marriage and one on the way (his first!)
His hidden talent: juggling
His age: 35
His fav music: new age, instrumental kind of stuff. he enjoys manheim steamroller and yanni.
What I admire most about him: his choice to marry and provide for a woman with three children. i don't know of of many men that would not only do that, but genuinely LOVE the children, as he does mine. they call him daddy and he's an amazing father.
His fav pastime: talking to me, kickin' back with a good movie, working on the computer, playing video games
Will he read this: he's interested in me....so i will say yes. that, and he'll want to know what i am saying about him. :o)

I TAG MY GIRLS:
shallyn
karissa
shasta
keri
janae
brianne

sew what?

first off, i am feeling worlds better since that last post. thank you, to all my awesome friends and family for giving me giggles, hanging out with me, calling me on the horn and remembering me in your prayers!! life is definitely feeling more sunshiny.

fall is here!! i love, love, LOVE this time of year - colorful leaves crunching beneath my feet, the chill in the air, hot cocoa, cozy fires, pumpkins and spooky fun! i also tend to cook and bake a lot more in the fall...lots of comfort food and treats - yummers!! with all the coziness of home, it makes me want to SEW!!!

i haven't sewn anything in forever. i think my last major project was the brazilian flag quilt i made for my then-husband, when i was nine months pregnant with jenna! so it's been a good few years since i've done anything major. yikes.

i've been looking at different blogs and many quilts and fabrics are catching my eye. problem is, our 4th bedroom (the spare room) is a huge mess right now. i've given us a two week deadline to get that room in order. as soon as the room is ready, i'll be able to sew again! i feel like i've forgotten how to use my machine.

i'm not sure what to make first. i have some gift ideas for christmas, as well as ideas for myself. all i really know is that i see cute fabric and want to buy it, even though i may not have anything specific in mind for it. here are some examples of stuff that grabs my attention:

now that i think of it, i think i will get started on something familiar - raq quilts. i've made quite a few. i used to sell them on consignment at the country store i used to work at in rexburg, idaho. i kept a red and green christmasy one for myself, but i made it using homespun fabrics - not very cozy. i think i will make a date with myself (unless someone wants to join me?) to hunt for some cute, comfy fabrics for my next rag quilt...

lost and found

Perhaps it has something to do with being a busy stay-at-home mom, pregnant and wishing I had a best friend close by. Perhaps it's because I am still sick from this pregnancy and my days are somewhat of a dull blur. I've been feeling a bit lost and detached from the world. Today, I found this on a blog (thanks, Jillian!) and it was just what I needed today...

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann, 1927

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will in be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its shame, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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So beautifully written. So many things to think about. Earlier today, I was also reading Dallin H. Oak's "The Challenge to Become." It's one of my favorite talks which I keep in a folder. It was in the November 2000 Ensign - which of course makes me think of my first child being born. Today, the talk was especially powerful to me. In it, he says:

"Most of us experience some measure of what the scriptures call “the furnace of affliction” (Isa. 48:10; 1 Ne. 20:10). Some are submerged in service to a disadvantaged family member. Others suffer the death of a loved one or the loss or postponement of a righteous goal like marriage or childbearing. Still others struggle with personal impairments or with feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or depression. Through the justice and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven, the refinement and sanctification possible through such experiences can help us achieve what God desires us to become."

Elder Oaks goes on to talk about the Parable of the Vineyard. I recently read this long chapter in my scriptures, and to be honest, was bored and had a difficult time with it (it was also bedtime and I was exhausted, so that surely contributed). After reading Elder Oak's words, I decided that the Lord must be requiring me to stay in the vineyard all day long. I always appreciate finding just what I am in need of, when feeling lost. As it talks about in the current book I am reading (The Book Thief), words are truly powerful. I am grateful for the power behind words that move me in the right direction.

TAG!! hots and nots...

tagged again! fun, fun... i decided to post this one in my personal blog,
since it's not exactly family-related. :)

naturally, THE hottie supreme is my soldier...

THE JIM (aka, mr. the hotness)

other attractive people...

president uchtdorf (lds leader)
is that weird? well, i think he's nice-looking!

kevin costner

james stewart

gary cooper

(i guess i like the oldies but goodies...haha!)

NOT...

brad pitt
(and all those "pretty boy" actors and models of today- blah!)

as for the females...

jennifer connelly
(i was sad to find most of her pics are racy, though)

robin wright-penn

grace kelly

lauren bacall

and marilyn monroe, naturally...

NOT...

pamela anderson - very hard to find a tame picture of her, btw...
(and all the other ridiculously "fake" females out there)

i tag shallyn, stephanie and karissa!

reflection

i've just spent some time reading some of my old blogs. i've been struggling lately with all that is on my plate, and reading my own words has been...well, like therapy! i am amazed at myself. yep, myself. as i read, i traveled back in time to a much more difficult world. my words reminded me of all that i went through last year. i am astounded that i survived all that, and that i survived it well. somehow, with my world crashing down around me, i was doing so well.

odd. or, is it?

i call it odd because you'd think i was doing much better these days. i am living in a house, newly married to an amazing guy, and we are all healthy. it's as if i have forgotten all that i went through, and all that i learned. it's as if the strength i acquired in the fire has somehow been lost. i'm feeling weak...oh, so mortal.

then i realized...it's not that things are more difficult right now. if i look at things logically, they ought to be much better. the thing is, i was getting so much strength before, to carry me through those adverse times, because i was doing my part. i used to spend a lot more time on my knees, in prayer. i used to attend the temple at least once a month. sundays used to be my favorite day of the week and now i dread it!

last year, i walked with so much strength, amidst the pain. last year, i was a different person - a better person, even. i'm grateful i wrote so much last year, because it has helped me today. funny, how our own words can help heal us and get us back on track...