Perhaps it has something to do with being a busy stay-at-home mom, pregnant and wishing I had a best friend close by. Perhaps it's because I am still sick from this pregnancy and my days are somewhat of a dull blur. I've been feeling a bit lost and detached from the world. Today, I found this on a blog (thanks, Jillian!) and it was just what I needed today...
Desiderata
Max Ehrmann, 1927
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will in be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its shame, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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So beautifully written. So many things to think about. Earlier today, I was also reading Dallin H. Oak's "The Challenge to Become." It's one of my favorite talks which I keep in a folder. It was in the November 2000 Ensign - which of course makes me think of my first child being born. Today, the talk was especially powerful to me. In it, he says:
"Most of us experience some measure of what the scriptures call “the furnace of affliction” (Isa. 48:10; 1 Ne. 20:10). Some are submerged in service to a disadvantaged family member. Others suffer the death of a loved one or the loss or postponement of a righteous goal like marriage or childbearing. Still others struggle with personal impairments or with feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or depression. Through the justice and mercy of a loving Father in Heaven, the refinement and sanctification possible through such experiences can help us achieve what God desires us to become."
Elder Oaks goes on to talk about the Parable of the Vineyard. I recently read this long chapter in my scriptures, and to be honest, was bored and had a difficult time with it (it was also bedtime and I was exhausted, so that surely contributed). After reading Elder Oak's words, I decided that the Lord must be requiring me to stay in the vineyard all day long. I always appreciate finding just what I am in need of, when feeling lost. As it talks about in the current book I am reading (The Book Thief), words are truly powerful. I am grateful for the power behind words that move me in the right direction.
Friday, September 26, 2008
lost and found
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
TAG!! hots and nots...
since it's not exactly family-related. :)
other attractive people...
president uchtdorf (lds leader)
is that weird? well, i think he's nice-looking!
kevin costner
james stewart
gary cooper
brad pitt
(and all those "pretty boy" actors and models of today- blah!)
as for the females...
jennifer connelly
(i was sad to find most of her pics are racy, though)
robin wright-penn
grace kelly
lauren bacall
and marilyn monroe, naturally...
NOT...
pamela anderson - very hard to find a tame picture of her, btw...
(and all the other ridiculously "fake" females out there)
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
reflection
i've just spent some time reading some of my old blogs. i've been struggling lately with all that is on my plate, and reading my own words has been...well, like therapy! i am amazed at myself. yep, myself. as i read, i traveled back in time to a much more difficult world. my words reminded me of all that i went through last year. i am astounded that i survived all that, and that i survived it well. somehow, with my world crashing down around me, i was doing so well.
odd. or, is it?
i call it odd because you'd think i was doing much better these days. i am living in a house, newly married to an amazing guy, and we are all healthy. it's as if i have forgotten all that i went through, and all that i learned. it's as if the strength i acquired in the fire has somehow been lost. i'm feeling weak...oh, so mortal.
then i realized...it's not that things are more difficult right now. if i look at things logically, they ought to be much better. the thing is, i was getting so much strength before, to carry me through those adverse times, because i was doing my part. i used to spend a lot more time on my knees, in prayer. i used to attend the temple at least once a month. sundays used to be my favorite day of the week and now i dread it!
last year, i walked with so much strength, amidst the pain. last year, i was a different person - a better person, even. i'm grateful i wrote so much last year, because it has helped me today. funny, how our own words can help heal us and get us back on track...
Monday, December 31, 2007
it's been a while
hello again! well, a LOT has happened since my last post. wow. to make a long story short, my divorce (finally) became final. it had unnecessarily dragged on and on for almost a year - and if you count everything that happened before that, almost two years. i had very mixed emotions on closing that volume of my life. of course, with three children together, we must still communicate.
i never in a million years thought i would ever get divorced. it was a complete shock to my system, and by far the most devastating thing i have ever experienced. i am grateful, though. i have learned and grown so much from this. i have connected with people i may never have come across without this tragedy. most importantly, my testimony has sky-rocketed and in the best way imaginable, i will never be the same again.
amazingly, many blessings have come forth through this. the greatest one of all - i fell in love with my best friend. jim is the greatest man i have ever known (aside from my own father, of course). he loves the Lord, he cherishes me, he adores my children as if they were his own. he is an able provider, always willing to help, thoughtful, loving, kind and generous. he is gentle and peaceful. he is a calming influence in my life...so needed after the turbulent experience i have endured. i believe with all my heart he is the answer to my prayers. i know my Father in Heaven was watching over us all and brought us together.
on december 8th, he proposed outside of the seattle temple. we were just walking around the grounds with the children. jim kept admiring the statues and commenting on them. i saw him lingering next to the statues of a man and a woman, so i walked over.
he looked at me and said, "i think they are getting engaged." that's when i looked down and saw a breath-taking ring, sitting right between the statues.
he called the children over to witness this moment, got down on one knee and proposed. it was a beautiful moment and none of us (well, maybe jenna and james) will ever forget it.
jim is very much the male version of me. for all who know me well, you'll know exactly what he is like. he's goofy, passionate about so many things, giving, committed, silly, cheesy....oh, how we love to laugh!! he is my best friend and more. i am ridiculously happy, grateful and content.
we had a wonderful christmas and look forward to a very happy new year. 2008 will no doubt bring about many exciting changes. a new marriage. perhaps even...another baby? i will keep you all posted. *smile*
Sunday, September 30, 2007
relief society broadcast
i was able to find a last-minute babysitter so i could attend the relief society dinner and broadcast. i took six pages of notes and had a fabulous time, and i just have to write about it!
i didn't go with anyone, so i was a bit nervous to enter the cultural hall and find it abuzz with women chatting at every table. thankfully, i spotted women from my ward at a long table in the center of the room, and made my way over. everyone turned and smiled and since there were no more seats available, they encouraged me to grab a chair from another table and pull it up the end - which i did.
oh, it felt amazing to have this much-needed break from children and be surrounded by friends in the gospel. i was excited to finally have some adult conversation and looked forward to hearing the uplifting messages from the broadcast.
the tables were beautifully set (as they always are) and dinner was delicious! we had these chicken & cheese crepes with a YUMMY salad that had apples, pears and craisins. my friends and i enjoyed the food as we got caught up on one another's lives, laughed about random things and cracked up as we scoped the room for more cheesecake.
after a delicious and enjoyable meal, we all headed like cattle into the chapel. haha..."mooooo!" well, i thought it was funny, anyway. there was still over half an hour before it was to start, so we (like everyone else) chatted and giggled until after about twenty minutes, when a musical slideshow began. it was a nice relief, from the noise of talkative women. i have to admit, i felt somewhat uncomfortable by the noise level in the chapel. i just feel it should be much quieter than that.
the slideshow began. all wards contributed photos for the slideshow, of various enrichment nights, activities and basically anything that showed what relief society was all about. it was exciting to suddenly see my sister on the big screen. i nudged my friends and said, "that's my sister!!" it was especially fun to see photos from my own ward, since the faces from other wards are so unfamiliar to me. i was in one of the photos - from a "lunch bunch" we had last year at the mexican restaurant, azteca. i vividly remember that day. my divorce was still very fresh and i cried through most of my lunch. *sigh* many of the women i met that day were strangers to me. today, those women are close friends.
when the slideshow ended, there were only a few minutes left - then the broadcast began. president hinckley and thomas s. monson were present. i thought that was so cool.
i love when the saints gather like this. it felt so amazing to sing together. it's nothing like singing hymns with the ward. it was very loud and clear - and so sweet. it was like a chorus of angels (which i am sure sounds even better). i just love voices booming beautifully, in unison like that!
julie beck, the general relief society president, spoke first. she spoke on the duties and values of the relief society. first, we must have faith. we must keep our covenants, share the gospel, hold family home evening, learn self-reliance and hold personal and family prayer and scripture study. these are the marks of true discipleship. second, she spoke on family. we are to uphold, nourish, defend and protect the family unit. we must respect the priesthood, nurture family members, perform temple ordinances, and defend the divine roles of women. the world would have us believe that our roles are indispensable. but the world offers only counterfeit happiness. we are to preserve our potential as daughters of God. i love how sister beck said, "families are work. we are not afraid of work." third, the relief society is about giving relief. we are to lift others up, lighten their burdens. we need to serve others as the Lord's disciples. we are truly His hands on the earth. we provide relief of all kinds - relief from physical strain, emotional pain, financial hardships, loneliness, and so forth. we must provide relief from all that would hinder joy and progression. we can assist the Lord by helping others. it's as simple as kneeling in prayer and asking, "Lord, who has need of me?"
our dear prophet, gordon b. hinckley, has said that "we have a greater challenge than we realize." the relief society is here to give relief from the storms of life. "there is a better way, than the way of the world" gordon b. hinckley also said.
silvia allred, first counselor of the general relief society presidency, spoke next. she spoke of relieving the poor and saving souls. she referred to john 21:15-17 when jesus said again and again, "lovest thou me? feed my sheep."
she spoke of the importance of visiting teaching and the great impact it can have on women's lives. the giver and the receiver are both edified through genuine and consistent visiting teaching efforts. we must serve gladly, with a joyful and willing heart.
barbara thompson, 2nd counselor of the general relief society presidency, spoke third. she talked about what is happening to families today. as a social worker, she sees a great deal of the sadness which comes from troubled families. the world would have us believe that moral values are silly and old-fashioned. we are enticed with the "easy life" - free of hard work and responsibility. the world teaches us that a mother and a father are unnecessary - that the family unit does not matter. then, she spoke about what distinguishes stable families from dysfunctional ones. stable families know who they are and have clear goals and values. within stable families, work and prayer are taught by example. parents read to and with their children, there is family time, forgiveness and patience.
this life is not easy. however, the Savior of the world knows how we feel. he has been through it. he has felt what we have felt. in matthew, chapter 11, it reads:
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
the Lord will help us. isaiah 41:10 reads, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
thomas s. monson spoke last. i love him!! he was so funny. he acknowledged all the women in the conference center as well as all the women watching the broadcast around the world. he realized, "i'm in the minority - i must be careful on my comments." of course, there was an appreciative boom of laughter from us. he also said something about a woman who asked a bookstore employee where she could find a book entitled, "men: master of women." the bookstore employee replied, "try the fiction section." haha!
president monson said it is imperative that we do three things: study diligently, pray earnestly, and serve willinging.
study diligently
D&C 88: 118 reads, "And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith."
scripture study helps our families. children must have a firm foundation or else they are susceptible to worldly influences. sadly, children are being educated by the media. president monson said children watch four hours of television each day - most often full of violence and sexuality. on top of those four hours are additional hours playing video games and so forth. scary!!
2 Ne. 9:28 reads, "O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish."
we must not take this lightly. the adversary is real. he is powerful and cunning. even the strongest can fall. if we study diligently, we arm ourselves against the adversary and can weather the storms that come our way. knowledge is power!
pray earnestly
D&C 19:38 reads, "Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing—yea, even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth and corruptibleness to the extent thereof."
with prayer, we are able to resist temptations. what a wonderful thing! if only everyone did this!
president monson said, "do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, pray for abilities equal to your tasks." how true! how are we to ever grow if we do not allow challenges to send us into the refiner's fire? we can make it through anything, if we pray for strength to overcome and get through those adversities.
serve willingly
we need to be observant and act upon those promptings we receive. so many acts of service can be small to us, but a big deal to the person receiving that service. we forget that even something as simple as a smile can make a huge difference. yes, even a genuine smile can be an act of service!
here's a cute story i liked: president monson said one sister was up in the middle of the night with her children. she was very tired and worn out. a kind sister across the street told her she had seen her lights on in the middle of the night and knew she must have been up with her children. this sweet sister offered to take her children for a few hours so she could take a nap. grateful, this woman accepted. of course, later she realized that if that sister had seen her lights on in the middle of the night, that must have meant her neighbor was up in the middle of the night with her children, too!! i thought that was a funny story.
we need to think more of others and less of ourselves. truly, when we focus on others, our problems can diminish. they can sometimes even go away. if we lose ourselves in serving others, we can find ourselves. what a beautiful thing!
i am so grateful for the relief society broadcast i attended. i am so thankful to be a member of the relief society and be surrounded by such incredible women. what a wonderful organization!
grandma benson
i was unable to attend my grandma's funeral in california. i wish i had a picture of her to post on here. i just have these photos from the funeral. i didn't know her as well as my mother's mother, but i do have fond memories of visiting her at her home in tulare when i was younger. she was a sassy lady and deeper into geneology than most mormons i know - and she wasn't even a member (yet)!
these are the flowers my siblings and i contributed.
Friday, September 28, 2007
this is love
43 years of marriage - 6 children - 17 grandchildren (and more to come, i'm sure!)
happy anniversary (9/26) to my awesome parents!!!
1964
1990
2007
